Sunday, November 23, 2008

Reality Check

Still looking for that camera I promise. Riley doesn't have school this week and I am taking this whole week before Thanksgiving to go room by room and completely clean and get rid of the clutter.

So Riley had a birthday party that she was invited to today. It was at The Bouncy Place. Basically it is a big warehouse full of party rooms and air filled bouncy toys. Parents were encouraged to play too so Paul and I were bouncing around with Riley and the other kids and parents. Great fun.

Getting to my reality check. I am not so overweight that it hinders me from activities. I think that because I was once athletic and in shape and thin that my heart and lungs are for the most party healthy because of this. I have not been overweight my whole life. I am not near diabetic. Other than having extra weight every time I take a physical I am in excellent health.

I think because I have not been overweight my whole life I don't feel like this "fat" person that I am on the outside. I feel "thin". Until I get a glimpse of myself in the mirror or go shopping for new clothes.

However, "that moment" happened today. I was expecting it to happen and it did. One of Riley's classmates said "You have a big tummy" and I said "yes I do" and then she said "is there a baby in there". It was completely innocent and something that a 5 year old would be curious about. There were a few other mothers there that were pregnant. I just politely said "no I don't" with a smile and she said "oh" and ran off to play.

I knew some day it would come but I didn't realize what an emotional impact it would have. I had to leave the party room and go cry in a bathroom stall for a bit. When I came back to the party my husband didn't really understand why I was upset because the questions were so innocent. Later after talking to him he said that he loves me no matter what so what does it matter. How easy it must be to be a man!

Tomorrow to the gym again in this long journey. I have said it before. As long as I don't gain weight then I am happy. I don't want to put serious pressure on myself to loose and immense amount by a certain time. I understand this will take time. I just need to make this experience a motivator I guess. Ok signing off for now. I have a TON of knitting to do before my next bazaar and Christmas!

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