I had Jake take a picture of me today at 32 weeks and 2 days pregnant. I smiled! However, I didn't take into account that when you have a 5 year old take your picture there is often a blur factor.
Aside from my face being puffier than when this pregnancy started I am really happy with how I look. At my last appointment a few weeks ago I had only gained 15 pounds total. With my last two pregnancies it was a very unhealthy 50 and 70 pounds. It is amazing how much better I feel compared to the other two times. Granted I am more fatigued. Maybe that is due to being older or because my children are older I have more time to feel fatigued? I don't notice that other parts of my body are getting "fatter" like last time. I could tell that I personally was gaining weight not just the pregnancy. My pants got tighter in the legs and rear and the arms of my shirts were tighter as well. That has not happened at all. If anything the legs of my pants feel looser. It will be interesting to see what I weigh when Hannah is born.
Being pregnant is definitely THE MOST amazing experience of my entire life and I feel so blessed to have been able to carry three children. Knowing that this is our last pregnancy and baby might make it more special. I try to just cherish every single moment, every single kick. I am sure my family is getting tired of me calling them over to feel the baby kick every day!
One thing I haven't really talked much about is my grandmother's health. Last year she was diagnosed with a rapid growing lung cancer and promptly had chemo treatment. She was healthy enough to attend my brother's wedding last fall which was such a blessing and just before New Years we were told the chemo worked and that the lump in her lung was gone. AMEN! Unfortunately her cancer came back in some lymph nodes in her chest and this round of chemo really wiped her out and did not work at all. Her cancer has now also spread into her back and the bones in her femur and hip. Her doctor had said he doesn't think continuing chemo to prolong her life is the best choice because it will probably end up being the thing that kills her if she does continue. So his focus now is her pain management and keeping her quality of life up for as long as that ends up being. Maybe one of the reasons I am cherishing this pregnancy so much is that with death there comes life. Our family is preparing to lose our matriarch yet there is new life coming as well.
Last week when I was visiting with my grandmother after her appointment she wanted to let me know that she wants me to have all of her yarn and knitting items. At that time my head was reeling from all of the information I had just received and I was trying to hold back tears as it was so I just told her not to worry about what to give me that it didn't matter. I have been told since then that when people do know their time is near it helps to know things will be in order. After reflecting on her planned gift for me I feel so incredibly fortunate. My grandmother is a very talented knitter and has on many occasion told me what a natural talent I have for this craft. Being able to knit with the needles that her hands held while she made her knit items will matter. Using the yarn that she chose because she loved it will matter. The fact that she cares enough to want ME to have all of her knitting DOES matter.